Low Self Esteem

Self esteem is defined as an appraisal on one's own worth. Low self esteem then can be said as having a low appraisal on one's own worth. Low self esteem on its own is not necessarily a bad thing, that's not to say it's a good thing. The problem with low self esteem is that it can drive those with it to do and say things, in order to be accepted by others. Unfortunately what this does is cause people to say things they don't mean, do things they otherwise would not and lead a life and lifestyle that is outside of their true personality. Low self esteem can lead to relationship problems, financial ruin and health issues including depression.

A person suffering from low self esteem most likely won't know it because their residual self image is that of someone who is liked and respected by others. It's only those that are looking at the individual that can clearly see the issues. People with esteem issues are often used, abused, mistreated and taken advantage of, in both personal relationships and the workplace. Ironically, you often find that people with low self esteem usually give others good, sound advice, but are unwilling to take it themselves. They will tend to lead a pretentious lifestyle and constantly struggle with one issue or another.

Although, low self esteem presents itself as a visual problem, ie. how people feel they are perceived and in turn perceive themselves, it is actually an emotional issue, rooted deep in feelings of inadequacy. These could be feelings of failure - judged against how one measures success, lack of confidence or incompetence or lack of financial resources. These emotional issues usually result in bad decision making, which can affect the outcome of the true potential in one's life.

To overcome these feelings, one has to be honest with themselves about how they feel about themselves. The ability to identify what is holding you back and then confronting that issue, by realizing it does not define you. This is harder than it sounds. People with low self esteem have spent years on creating and believing their image and that cannot be undone in an instant. The good news is that, once identification and realization has been obtained, confrontation, change and acceptance are not too far behind.MM.

My Daughter's Loc Journey

I could see the war brewing...it definitely was becoming a battle to do my daughter's hair. It didn't matter how gentle I was (and I was very gentle) with combing her hair, the ooohhs and owwws didn't stop. My husband had suggested locing her hair, but I came up with excuses...she won't have styling options...she's too young...what would people think of me locing my child's hair...the excuses went on and on. Then, I decided to do some research, the same way I had done before locing my hair. Let me tell you, the internet can be a wonderful place. The amount of resources I found to help me with my decision not only to loc her hair, but also what method to start with and maintain her locs were unending. I finally decided to loc her hair starting with two strand twists. Below is a video I made of the process. MM

 

My Natural Hair

Pics of my big chop to my afro...before the twists.

My Loc Journey

In a previous post, I had written that I was getting Sisterlocks. Well, I met a co-worker who has conventional locks. We got to talking and I told her that I was getting Sisterlocks. She was very excited, supportive and congratulated me. On my way home from our meeting, our conversation resonated with me. Now, it wasn't anything she said, but just the conversation in general. I started thinking about locs in general. When I got home, I got online and started researching conventional locs. The more I read and saw, the more I fell in love with them. I decided right then, that my loc of choice was going to be conventional locs. I two strand twisted my hair and have started my loc journey. I am very excited and can't wait to see my hair transform.

Below is a post I made for YouTube.

Sisterlocks - A Natural Alternative

A year ago, I hummed and hahhed about what to do with my hair. 2 years of growth (after shaving my head for 5 years) had given me 6 inches of thick, healthy natural tresses and was in need of something manageable, versatile and fun. The style, also had to be natural and reflect my personality. I researched online and found Sisterlocks. This locing method created by Dr. JoAnne Cornwell is supposed to give the best of both worlds. A nice, manageable style with the ability to grow while keeping your hair natural. After doing some research online and meeting with a couple consultants, I fell in love and decided that this was the route I was going. Then it happened, I started talking myself out of the process...first was the cost (most people with and without the locs discuss-at length the cost-it costs $500 and up for installation), then the maintenance-also a cost factor with retightening costing approximately $100-$200 every 6-8weeks. My biggest issue was the versatility. I love my 'fro and thought I would lose it. The inability to style my hair the way I wanted was something I cherished and wasn't ready to give up, and so the momentum passed and I didn't get Sisterlocks.

Sisterlocks founder Dr. JoAnne Cornwell

The other day, I was online (as I usually am) looking up hairstyles when my husband suggested, I just do it. I thought about it for a minute and said, you know what, I'm going to. I got on to the Sisterlocks website and contacted a couple consultants closer to my home. I now just have to pick one to put in my test locs (if all goes well-the locs set), I set a date for installation and take it from there. Currently, I am sporting a hair length of about 8 to 9 inches (all natural) and know that the longer the hair, the more this procedure costs, but I am ready for it. After all, I consider it an investment in myself and what better investment is there?

I will keep you posted on my journey and if you have any suggestions about Sisterlocks for a newbie like myself, I would love to hear from you.

Ohhh the 'fro

I have a love hate relationship with my afro. One day I love it, next day it hates me. Keeping and maintaining an afro is not an easy feat.

Rockin' my 'fro!

There's nothing like getting your 'fro just right, only so that someone can come up to you, compliment and try to stick their fingers in your hair. Excuse me but I don't know where your fingers have been and Afro Etiquette 101-Don't touch the 'fro. Always admire from afar. Compliment and leave it at that.

My biggest dilemma is keeping my 'fro moisturized. I have thick, natural, black hair, so I understand it's not going to be silky, shiny and glossy like caucasian or asian hair. Fine, I get that, but I struggle to keep moisture in my hair on a daily basis. (There's got to be nothing worse, than seeing a 'fro that looks like a scouring pad on a sister or brother's head.) I am a big fan of leave-in-conditioners (you have to be when you have natural hair), but even then, I think they only do the job half of the time. To keep moisture, I try to keep my hair in a style for several days, whether cornrows or twists, that way, I am not stressing the hair (virgin hair is very brittle.)

I really like this style!!!

I do like defining my curls with EcoStyler gel and on occasion, I will wear my 'fro like that. It's just that there are times when I think my hair couldn't care less for me and no matter what I do, it's hellbent on doing it's own thing. My only reassurance that I am doing something right, is when I get a comment on how nice my hair looks or how healthy it looks, then I know that maybe, just maybe, my hair doesn't hate me as much as I think it does and like everything else in life, just wants a little TLC. Also I need to stop complaining abut my 'fro because my husband loves it and he hates when i hate on the 'fro. MM

Text Etiquette for the Text Generation

There is nothing more rude and annoying than speaking to someone who is not listening to you (or only catching a few words) because they are too busy texting.  I love technology as much as the next person, in fact I would go so far as to say my husband and I are technology buffs. However, what can be so important that you can't put the phone aside to have a normal conversation with the person that's in front of you? I find this to be a common thread amongst Blackberry owners. I have nothing against Blackberries albeit I don't own one, but I enjoy my SmartPhone.  I talk, I text, take pics and record and enjoy sharing them with friends and family. I do however observe cellphone talk and text etiquette.

Image: Andy Newson / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

More often than not, the conversations these individuals are having are not important, people are usually gossiping or sending jokes. As a business person, I understand the need to use these forms of communication to stay abreast of trends, but I don't understand how a simple request for milk turns into a half hour conversation when you are already conversing with someone. Unfortunately, what this has created is a generation and generations to come of people with very poor communication skills. The inability to make eye contact and certain forms of anxiety are some of the resulting side effects of this "text generation".

Feel free to talk, text, etc. but be aware of your surroundings and practice courtesy to those with whom you are spending time. Put the phone down! MM

People Don't Change

I'm sure to most reading this, they will disagree. That people can and do for in fact change. My relationships with people throughout my life have showed me that people are the way they are from the moment they are born until the day they die. Humans can aclimate, accept or tolerate, but changing is not in our nature. A palm tree taken from a warm climate and replanted in a cold climate, is still a palm tree, even if it thrives, it's still a palm tree, it will never be an evergreen.

Too many times, women convince themselves that they can change a man. Not true ladies, you cannot change a man (I always say, an alcoholic who doesn't drink anymore, is an alcoholic who doesn't drink anymore. He has not changed, he is still an alcoholic, just doesn't drink anymore.) If he has always disappointed you, he will always disappoint you. The problem is that people continue to disappoint themselves, by hoping and praying that friends, colleagues, loved ones even acquaintances will one day change whatever their negative behaviour is, whether it be minor offences like lying, tardiness or constantly canceling get-togethers at the last minute or more serious offences like stealing or cheating.

Always remember that you are not a valid reason why another human should modify what you perceive as negative behaviour. People will only do this at a time of their choosing based on a reason of their choosing. Accept people for who they are, good and bad and know that whatever qualities they possess, you either live and put up with or don't have that person in your life altogether.MM