Take yourself seriously

One of the most difficult things for many women to do is to take themselves and their decisions seriously. Now by serious, I am not talking about always walking around with a scowl on your face, unable to crack a smile or make a joke, but serious, in that you are committed to the things you have, the things you do and the things you want to have and want to do. Not allowing distractions, doubters and naysayers to steer you of course.

When people try to question your decisions, have the balls to stand up and defend yourself and your choices. As women, we make the mistake of allowing people to constantly question our feelings, our achievements and our decisions and as emotional creatures, we allow them to do so, while we run the other direction crying, feeling defeated and angry. By allowing this to continue, you will slowly find yourself  becoming resentful, dissatisfied with life, unhappy, trying to live up to the expectations of others and eventually depression will set in.

It is ok to make decisions which you feel are best for you and your family. Be able to do what you do without having to look over your shoulder to see who is going to say what. Have the ability to take the untravelled road and make your own mark, being aware of the consequences and being able to live with them. Do not feel the need to justify yourself to outsiders, remember, they do not live your life. It's not easy, but little decisions you make everyday will eventually get you there.MM

The Hardworking Woman

It might sound like a cliché, but black women work hard. Real hard. Between the responsibilities at home and perhaps frustrations of work, activities and keeping up social relationships, it's a wonder we find time for rest. I have a friend that has 3 jobs, in order to provide a roof and meals for her and her daughter. It's not that her overhead is exorbitant, it's just that as a single mom, that's what she has to do to keep above water and in some small way, get ahead. Her option to go on social assistance is definetely there, but she has opted to work, to not only set an example for her daughter but to also set a standard for herself. I remember my own mother who had 2 jobs. I was very young, but I still remember her coming home from her main job, changing and then going back out again to her part-time job. She didn't seem displeased, angry or agitated by the fact that she had to do this, she just did it. Now, as a married woman, I see and understand what it is all about. It's important to be hardworking, to set goals, to achieve those goals and to let your children know that if I can do it, so can you.MM

Ungrateful Wife

We love to complain about how there are no good men out there, but when we get one, we don't know what to do with ourselves.

This woman is a perfect example of that.

Single Parenting

As a single parent, you have the responsibility of being mother and father, mommy and daddy or mom and dad. Even if the other parent is in the child's life, as primary caregiver, there is a lot of pressure to do your best. As parents, we are always being watched by our children, but as a single parent, you are center stage. There is no supporting actor or actress for whom you can share the stage with. Your children's, family, friends and society's eyes are all on you.

The circumstances of how you ended up as a single parent is not important, what is important is that you have undertaken the challenge of raising your child(ren) on your own. This means major budgetting where finances are concerned, being there at every recital, reherseal and game and sometimes having to say no because the funds are just not there right now. You might even be putting aside the things that you want to do, in order to allow for your kids to do the things that they want. Unfortunately many single parents are the butt of ridicule and judgement, especially when their children misbehave, get mixed up with the law or have difficulties at school. Instead of uplifting these parents, society tries to blame them, labelling them and sometimes just downright insulting them. Raising your children on your own is not easy and for all parents who have undertaken the responsibility, we salute you.MM

 


Online Resources for Single Parents:

Single Black Parents

Single Parent Dad

Single Parents Network

Single Parent Travel

Single Parent Romance

Parentbooks

Single Mom and more

Coping with the stress of everyday life

As a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend and more, it's overwhelming the amount of responsibilities you have to handle on a daily basis. Not only do you have to deal with the issues surrounding your children, school, discipline, diet, etc., there is also your duties as a wife including communication, support, sex. Not to mention this is being done while trying to maintain a clean home, clean clothes, cooking your meals, having a job, paying your bills, visiting your parents and then visiting his, while mentoring to your siblings and supporting a friend who is going through a divorce.

It's difficult to keep up! Is it a wonder many women are suffering from depression? The pressure of just trying to keep up continues to mount and many of us are medicating ourselves to cope. I am not talking about those who suffer from serious depression and require medication. Many of us do not need medication, we need to take some time out, take a break, put things in perspective and then start again.One of the best ways to help you cope with the stress of everyday life is perspective. Looking at your situation from a different vantage point. It could be worse! Truly and honestly, it could be. After a hard day, if I've burned the dinner, well, it's an opportunity for us to either eat out or order in. Discipline problems with my children is now a chance for me to review my strategies with my husband and think up new ones. Pressure from my parents is an opportunity for me to prioritize, and my family (husband and children) come first, and so on.

Next, take some time out. Whether it be a vacation or a cup of tea, a 1/2 hr mani-pedi or a full day at the spa, we all need to take time out and reflect. Categorize. What needs to be handled right away, what can wait and what you can't change-no matter how hard you try. Then, get to it, do what you can, the best you can and let God take care of the rest.

Pray! I have found picking up my bible and reading one or two verses in Psalms relating to what I am going through, always puts my mind at peace. I am always reminded that God will not give me anymore than I can handle.

If all else fails, walk away. Stepping away from a situation (for a period of  time) and redirecting your thoughts and energy, is a great way to get revitalized to tackle a task.

Everybody gets stressed at one time or another, the right attitude will determine how you get through.MM

Get Beautiful, Clear Skin

Wash your face only twice per day, morning and evening. Excess washing can cause irritation. You want to be as kind to your skin as possible.

Use only your bare hands to wash. A washcloth is irritating. Consider the act of washing as simply prepping your skin for medication, nothing more.

Pat dry. Do not rub dry. Rubbing the skin is irritating, and excess irritation can lead to more breakouts. Gently pat dry.

It's important to get good products that work and to give your skin time to respond.

Products you need:  a good gentle cleanser, a facial scrub, toner, a mask and a good moisturizer suited to your skin type (oily, dry or combination.) That's all you need for great skin and drink lots of water to keep your skin hydrated.


THE REGIMEN - (Nightly)

In the morning, you can skip step 4

1. Splash your face with warm water or apply a warm towel to open up your pores.

2. Gently wash your face with your cleanser in a circular motion with lukewarm water for about 2 minutes.

3. Wash off cleanser and pat dry.

4. Apply toner rubbing upwards. Use as many cotton pads as you require until it comes out clean. Apply a cold cloth to your face to close your pores. (skip the cold cloth if you are going to apply a mask).

5. Apply moisturizer. In the evening, apply liberally.


Once or twice a week (depending on the condition of your skin)

After step 1, apply cleansing scrub, (about the size of a nickel) and cleanse your face in a circular motion, paying close attention to the areas around the nose and lips (these are prone to dryness). Don't be too rough with your skin when scrubbing (it's not a dirty pot) be gentle yet firm. Scrub for at least 1 minute. 2 minutes if you have dry areas you want to concentrate on. Then continue with step 2.

After step 4, apply a facial mask. Leave on for 10 minutes. Wash off with cold water. Then continue to step 5.
If you don't have a mask, egg whites, honey, milk and oatmeal mixed with water to make a paste work well. ..

Visit this site for more ideas:

http://www.stretcher.com/stories/980423b.cfm

Happy Living - Skin care tips for black women

Good Luck and remember, stick with the regimen. Like everything else, it won't happen overnight, but it will happen if you give it time. Be diligent. It's your face, remember, it's the first thing people see.

The White Standard

Many blacks look down on the achievements of people of their own kind, but will sing praises of adoration for white people. Blacks have attained numerous distinguished achievements, however, many of our own have come to believe (whether by upbringing, the media or personal beliefs) that black accomplishments are not as impressive as those of white people. Unfortunately, this serves to diminish our spirits, belittle our accomplishments and keeps us from advancing not only in society but in the eyes of other cultures. Black people have been responsible for numerous advancements, and it's time we stopped looking to our white counterparts for validation.

Having black friends, dating black men and working for black establishments are all things we should be proud of and celebrate. There exists a myth that all white people are wealthy, successful and are heirs to great inheritances. This is about as true as the idea that all black people can sing, dance and love fried chicken. It's time we realized that for all black mediocrity and failure, just as much can be said for our white counterparts, but for as much success as white people have achieved, there is an equal amount of success by blacks.

Employing a white standard ensures that no matter how high a standard of success we attain as a people, we have achieved nothing at all. Instead, looking at an achievement as an achievement, encourages us to strive for excellence and a greater sense of pride.MM